Friday, August 22, 2014


Sometimes it's hard to admit to yourself the things you really are. I have spent countless hours denying. Years trying to convince myself that it isn't, it couldn't possibly be true. The truth is I have no one. Alone. I am a defective human being. For as long as I could remember no one liked me. Born a pariah and will most likely die that way too. As a child, I had trouble connecting to others. Birthday parties, play dates...I was never invited. Every time I would gain a friend, undoubtedly I would lose them just as quick. Nothing has changed. The only friend I have now at almost thirty is my therapist. A person whom I pay to listen to my insignificant quandaries and neurotic musings. Pathetic is a vast understatement. My own dog hates me. Children I pass on the street look at me in the most perplexed way. I don't even know why I am writing this. No one is going to read this shit anyway. I am the most unremarkable person you will ever meet. I was told tonight that I am a piece of shit. I didn't argue or refuse to believe it. I already know it. I think a lot about what my purpose is and I can't muster up one answer. I used to think I could rely on my beauty if all else failed but now I am nothing but skin and bones existing on cigarettes and vitriol. Soon I will fade away and it will be exquisite. I won't care and neither will anyone else.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

You are Here...For Now

Permanence doesn't exist. The thought of things remaining unchanged indefinitely is inaccurate. Nothing lasts forever. Lovers are interchangeable. The Hydrangeas that Spring brings, wilt and die as soon as the air starts to chill. With Winter, a wasteland begins. Our bodies in moribund. A cigarette turns to ashes, our bodies turn the same. You are here and everything and everyone you know is too, just for now.